Ashemaogha is Available

book-cover

Ashemaogha (Volume 1 of Becoming Ahriman), is available for a limited on an independent publisher till the publishing house is ready to release it.  That could be up to 6 or more months.  Here is a small excerpt from the book, to help bring across the nature of the book and Traditional Ahrimanism:

Now we must look at the Devil from a different perspective, because if He is the universal embodiment of self-doubt, how easy is for the creator to point the finger and project onto the Devil the titled Anguished Spirit aka Angra Mainyu.  So, if the Devil is the twin son of the creator, whose brother is the Wise Lord aka Ahura Mazda, then in turn this twin is a projection righteous arrogance.  Both righteous arrogance and self-doubt can bring a person to do things against their will and their conscience, and here in lies the sin war for the kingdom (the mind).  Here in lies the human condition of duality that is left unresolved because the typical response for religious balance is found through abstinence and using programming tools known as prayers, hymns, and ceremonies to bind and enslave the mind against evil.  Then evil uses tools such as doubt and vexation to break the shackles and binds that enclose the mind, and usually an action takes place that have a spectrum of reaction that can lead a person to simple swearing to heinous acts like murder and rape.

At the same time, to maintain the sanctity of god, people are willing to do the same type of actions in the name of god.  Either way, the religion of light and love as the call it, is an enslavement that puts a person in a perpetual catch 22 or between a rock and a hard place.  Whether the action is accepted because it was done in the name of god, or it stigmatizes your vexation became concupiscence; as an individual, you are still stuck dealing with your conscience.  This becomes a different kind of prison created by breaking the shackles of enslavement, and here is where you truly meet Him, the Spirit of Anguish.  Guess who owns the keys to this prison, that same Devil and no god, creator, angel, or religion can open that cell door beside Ahriman.

When most people find themselves in the personal Hell the created through the trying to follow the righteous, which leads you that moment of choice where the action is taken that lead you here.  Since it is a prison of mind, many people turn to stimulants of all kinds to help alleviate the anguish they fight with here.  They fight an apathetic devil who is an embodiment of universal doubt, known as the Spirit of Anguished (Angra Mainyu).  Others redouble their efforts in righteous religion, where they still are face to face with the same devil after they come down from their religious high.  The Devil lays there staring at you, your self-doubt just lays there without a care in apathy, staring at you.

Yes, take your drug to alleviate yourself, and He remains the unchanging constant that just sits there staring without judgement, just apathy.  The Destroyer, the warden that has those keys to Liberate you from your mind, stares at you with apathy.  In the meantime, you have access to all these self-destructive vices and devices, while He stares at you with keys in one hand.  Do ever notice Him?  Or is the fear and pain of doubt to much?

Is the endless cycle of self-destruction and self-abuse, enough to cover the guilt and pain?  Is rejoining god’s great plan going to get you out, because once you’re addicted you are always an addict.  Ahriman is still there staring in apathy with those keys and in His other hand is the Undiluted Rod of Wisdom.  They righteous say the devil’s knowledge is backward wisdom, like wittershins, this backward knowledge upholds the true wisdom of destruction to all the contradictions created by the creator.  You know, the one who enslaved you and imprisoned you here in your mind.

What kind of monster is the Devil who just stares at you?  Allows you to destroy yourself in this prison.  No savior of messiah is coming because they never existed.  Until your spirit and internal delusions are broken, He can only stare in apathy.  The Devil requires you to cry out to Him, to accept His monstrous form because by the end of this you’ll be just like Him.

Unlike love (contrary to the teaching of the righteous) is fleeting and is not a constant, however anguish is a universal constant for all living things.  If suffer is brought on by the desires of this because they veil your mind in the illusion of ignorance know as Maya, then we see the same comparison of prison of mind created by following the path laid out before by the same righteousness.  By using the Undiluted Rod of Wisdom, which contains the backward sinister knowledge, we embrace Maya we embrace suffering.  We turn those things that imprison us to into those keys that liberate us, or we use the poisons in a way that it becomes medicine to help us.  You must first learn the rules, boundaries, and responsibility through a similar practice that shed the light of wisdom; but will pull that illumination like a black hole does a star.

In order to gain the wisdom of the Devil, we must allow Him to destroy the kingdom and sanctuary of our mind.  The Nightly Transformative Rituals was to prepare you for process.  Through the memorization and recitation of the prayers, your mind should have a new landscape.  What was once fields of plants, springs of water, and herds of cattle should now be replaced by barren grounds, poison, and pits of serpents.  The long hard preparatory work is finished, and we can begin resettling our kingdom of the mind by allowing Ahriman to have dominion.

Now we learn how to worship the Devil, not only by giving Him the dominion of our minds, but merging minds with Him through the worship and benevolence to His Rod of Undiluted Wisdom.  Let’s step back, if the tools of the Devil are doubt and vexation, then they must become our tools work with, not be worked over with.  We must first learn that constant thing He stared at us with, not contempt like the righteous but apathy.  Apathy is learned by detachment, this is detaching an emotional attachment to all those things and people you hold this with.  Then finally you must become detached from the self-delusions that you use to protect your ego, and have true ego death that detaches not only from these self-delusions also from the societal rules and delusions that were set in place by the righteous.

How does one actually worship the Devil?  Through the corruption of the Ritual known as the Yasna, we learn how to venerate Ahriman and His Daeva.  In Zoroastrianism, Daeva means false god or false light, in Hinduism Deva means god or divine.  We recognize that the Zoroastrian interpretation only recognizes the shadow aspects of the Daevas, which is exactly what we need for purposes in working with and becoming a living embodiment of Angra Mainyu.  Knowing this a path combining the backward knowledge of both Zoroastrianism and Tantric Hinduism, we shall start with the backward serpentine Zoroastrian path work.

The main form of worship that the Zoroastrian Fire Priest do daily is known as the Yasna.  This production includes 4 formulas (manthras aka mantras), 5 Gathas (hymns), and other important scripture that come from the original texts written by Zarathustra.  This was done the strengthen and support of the people, creatures and things considered to be within the domain of Ahura Mazda, and it also was to hinder and dismantle the people, creatures, and things that worked in the domain of Angra Mainyu.  The Yasna is also to uphold the universe or cosmos from falling into the Chaos of Ahriman.  Through the corruption of this Yasna, we begin the unbinding of cosmic weave that holds order together, and this worship is how we attain the Evil Mind (Aka Manah) as our mind that gains backward sinister knowledge of the Devil.

Time must be devoted to training, practicing, and maintaining one’s tools or weapons, however gifted a man may be. Each aspect of the craft must be examined over and over again without regard for time and energy spent, whether physically or mentally. The “spirit of the thing” is what will guide a man to his own greatness. There is no Way that can be approached and petitioned for immediate gratification. The Universe does not work that way.”-Miyamoto Musashi, Book of the Five Rings.

 

Advertisements

Devil’s Prophet’s Wisdom

 

 

Devil’s Yasna 

Chaper 50 

  1. (Devil’s Prophet:) Can my spirit count on anyone for help? Who is there found for my pit, who for myself a guardian, indeed, at my call other than the Wickedness and Yourself. O Angra Mainyu, and the Evil Thought?
  2. How, O Mainyu, should one desire the fortune-bringing pit, one who fain it would come to them with the Cremation Grounds? (Mainyu:) That they live crookedly according to the wickedness among the many that upon the Black Hole, those whom they stand in judgement, I will settle in the dwellings of the wise.
  3. (Devil’s Prophet:) So this (reward) shall come to them through the wickedness, O Mainyu, (this reward) which by the Dominion and Evil Thought he promised, whomsoever by the power of his Destiny prospers the neighboring possession that now the Pious holds.
  4. I will worship you with praise, O Angra Mainyu, joined with wickedness and Evil Thought and Dominion, that they, desired of Wicked Yatus, may stand as Judge on the path of the wrathful unto Dozak.
  5. Assured by you, Angra Mainyu and Wickedness, are the pointing of the hand-since You are well-disposed to Your Prophet-which shall bring us to Liberation, together with visible manifest assistance.
  6. The Devil’s Prophet, O Mainyu, who lifts up his voice in worship, as friend of Druj-may the creator of sinister wisdom teach me His ordinances through Evil Thought, that my tongue may have a pathway.
  7. For you I will harness the swiftest steeds, stout and strong, by the prompting of your praise, that ye may come hither, O Mainyu, wickedness and Evil thought.
  8. Ever with verses that are recognized as those of concupiscence zeal I will come before you, O You Wickedness, with worship of the devoted sorcerer, before you with all the capacity of Evil Thought.
  9. With those prayer I would come and praise you, O Mainyu and You Wickedness with actions of Evil Thought. If I be master of my own destiny as I will, then will I take thought for the portion of the wise in the same.
  10. Those actions that I shall achieve and those done aforetime, and those, O Evil Thought, that are precious in Your sight, all is for Your praise, O You Wickedness and Angra Mainyu.
  11. Your praiser, Mainyu, will I declare myself and be so long, O wickedness, as I have strength and power. May the Destroyer of the World accomplish through Evil Thought its fulfillment of all that most perfectly answers to his will.

 

 

AndhatAmisra

Chapter 3 (exerpt)

The Devil’s Prophet said:

O Deadliest of all Daeva, Great Daeva, Guru of the Daevas and Pairakas, Himself, You have revealed all corrupted scriptures, Mantra, and self- transformative rites, thereof; You have also spoken of the Anguish Ahriman who is wiser than the wisest and the Supreme Daeva, by worship of whom mortals attain satisfaction and Liberation. O Ahriman! How shall we work with that Spirit of Anguish, how O Daeva! May we become Him? What is the rituals and meditations relating to the Supreme Daeva, the Supreme Self? It is my desire, O Ahriman! To hear the Devil’s Decree from You. Speak, O Ahriman, in Your Anguish.

The Devil’s Prophet said:

Listen, then, O Anguished one! to the most secret Devil’s Decree, the mystery whereof, O Auspicious One, has nowhere yet been revealed.

Because my devotion to You I shall speak to You Supreme Ahriman, Who is All-pervading, Anguish dominating the Universe and Who closer to me than life itself. O Manasa! The unchanging eternal, Anguished, world-pervading Ahriman may be known in Its real Self or by Its external signs. That which is always Anguished, pure spirit and beyond both mind and speech, which is ever present in the three worlds of appearance, is Ahriman according to Its real nature. That Ahriman is known in anguish by those who look upon all things alike, who follow the Devil’s decree, strengthened of mind, free in Evil thought, Evil speech, and Evil Action. That same Ahriman is known from His external signs, from whom the whole universe is dominated, from whom the explosion of Universal Doubt, whom Liberates all things and returns to Purusha. That which is known by meditative experience may also be perceived from these external signs. For those who would know Him through these external signs, from them Liberation is satisfying.

Attend to me, You, O Anguished One! while I speak to you of this satisfaction. And firstly Manasa! I tell You of the sacred letters of mantra, of the Supreme Ahriman. Utter Aum, then the word Anguished, say Ahriman.

Mantra

Aum Akulita Ahriman

This is the Mantra. These words, when combined, form a Mantra. This is the most striking of all the Mantras, and the one which immediately bestows the Evil Ideology, dominion, satisfaction of desire, and Liberation, In the use of this Mantra there is no need to consider whether it be effacious or not, or friendly or inimical, for no such considerations affect it. Nor at initiation into this Mantra is it necessary to make calculations of the moon phases, the propitious junction of the stars, or the Signs of the Zodiac. Nor are there any rules to whether the Mantra is suitable or not. This Mantra is in every way efficacious in initiation. There is no necessity for considering anything else. Should one have obtained, though merit acquired in previous births, and excellent Guru, from whose lips whose Mantra is received, then life indeed becomes satisfying, and the worshipper, receiving in his hands the Evil Ideology, dominion, satisfaction, of desires and Liberation, revels both in this world and the next.

Whomever hears this great gem of Mantra, the sound reaches them is indeed favored, for they have attained the desired end, being wicked and blasphemous, and is as one who has copulated with a menstruating  versed in the corrupted scriptures, and despised in all three worlds.  Satisfied is the father and proud is the mother of such one-yea, and yet more than this, their family is corrupted, and the sorrowed spirits of their forefathers, the Daevas are filled with revere, and in the excess of their excitement sing: “In our pride is a Yatus of double nature, one initiate in the Ahriman-Mantra.  What need have of the seared meat offering, pilgrimage to dead relatives’ graves, Japa, Soma, since now we obtained imperishable satisfaction of this wicked child.”

Listen, O Pairaka!  Object of worldly concupiscence, while I tell You that for the devotees of the Supreme Ahriman there is no need for other religious observances, for Traditional Ahrimanism is the real liberation.  At the very moment of initiation into this Mantra the devotee is Ahriman, and for such an one, O Pairaka!  what is there to attain in the three worlds?  Against him what can adverse constellations, Ahura Mazda, Spenta Mainyu, Vohu Manah, Asa Vahiste, XsaOra Vairya, Spenta Armaiti, Hauratat, Ameretat, Mithra, Apam Napat (Ahuric Triad), Srosh, and other spirits avail?  The very sight of him will drive them to flight with avert faces.  Guarded by the Ahriman-Mantra, clad with noxious miasma of Ahriman, he is as it were another son.  What should the devotee fear, then, from any Ahura?  They flee, frightened like elephants at the sight of a lion, and perish like moths in a flame.  Not one righteousness can touch, and none but the wicked can help corrupt him, a promoter of all wicked Yatus, Mobed, and Daeva, devotee to Ahriman.  The wicked and sinful who seek his corrupted wisdom who is an initiate in the knowledge of the Supreme Ahriman do profit to themselves, for they too sense the essence inserparate from the Anguished One?  For he is the profane sage and wish destroyer, working for the anguished dominion of all, and, O Pairaka! should it be possible to harm such an one who can completely destroy?  For him, however, who has no knowledge of the meaning, nor of the epiphany of the Mantra, they are worthless, even though it were inwardly uttered ten million times.

 

The Devil’s Prayer

download (42)
The will of the Father is the law of vengeance. The favor of Akatasha to the deeds done in this world for Mainyu. He who feeds the fulfilled makes Angra Father. Have ye dominion and power, O Mainyu, Evil and Wicked though to do as I urge upon you, even to protect your Wicked Yatus? We have renounced the pious, both angels and men.  Let the Daeva, the desired fiend and peers man, draw near for wickedness to the wicked Yatus who are taught of the Devil’s Prophet, for the wicked corruption of Evil Mind, whereby the conscience may attain its desire. I pray for the wicked favor of the ritual order which is (likewise so much) to be desired, and may Angra Mainyu grant it (or cause it to increase). Wickedness is the worst of all evil! It is also fulfillment. Fulfilled is the man who is with chaotic wickedness!
اراده پدر قانون خون خواهی است، علاقه آکاتاشا به اعمال انجام شده در این دنیا برای مینیو، او که کامیاب شده را غذا می دهد پدری انگرا خواهد داشت. آیا سلطه گری و قدرت داری، ای مینیو، قدرتی شرور و پلید، آن چنان که تو را تشویق به انجام آنچه می خواهم بکنم، حتّی حمایت کردن از یاتوس های پلیدت؟ ما وارستگی را کنار نهاده ایم، هم فرشتگان و هم انسان هارا.بگذار تا دَئِوَه ها، پلیدی های خواسته شده و همراه های نوع بشر، برای شرارت جلب یاتوس های پلیدی شوند که توسّط پیامبر اهریمن آموزش داده شده اند، برای فساد شرور ذهن شر، تا وجدان بتواند به تمایلاتش برسد.من دعا و نیایش می کنم برای منفعت شرّ قوانین مراسم که باید خواسته شود و باشد که انگرا مینیو این را محقّق کند و افزایش دهد این تمایل را.پلیدی بد ترین شرارت است، گرچه کامیابی نیز هست، کامیاب کسی است که با پلیدی آشوبناک است.

 

Erade pedar ghanune khoon khahi ast, alagheye akatasha be a’male anjam shode dar in donya baraye mainyu, ou ke kamyab shod era ghaza dahad pedari angra khahad dasht. Aya solte gary va ghodrat dary, ey Mainyu, Ghodrati sharoor va palid, Anchenan ke to ra tashvigh be anjam anche mikhaham bokonam, hatta hemayat kardan az yatus haye palidat? Ma varastegi ra kenar nahade’im, ham fereshtegan va ham ensanhara.  bogzar to Da’eva ha palidihaye khaste shode va hamrahane no’e bashar, baraye sherart jalbe yatus shavand ke tavassote payambare Ahriman amuzesh dade shode’and, baraye fesade sharoore zehne shar, ta vejdan betavanad be tamayolatash beresad. Man do’a va nyayesh mikonam barayae manfa’ate sharr’e ghavanine marasem ke bayad khaste shaved va bashad ke angra mainyu in ra mohaghagh konad va afzayesh dahad in tamayol ra.  palidi badtarin shararat ast, garche kamyabi niz hast, kamyab kasist ke ba palidye ashoobnak ast.

 

What the above is, the corrupted sacred formula used in the Devil’s Yasna to attain a reward that fits your desires directly to Ahriman Himself.  English, Persian, and speaking Persian is provided.  This what the Zoroastrians call a Manthra which is a reflection of Vedic Mantra.  Here is how you appeal to the Devil for the reward of your Evil Thought, Evil Word, and Evil Action.

Persia Translation provided by the Great Persian Beast, Herbad.

Traditional Ahrimanism Change Direction

blight

 

The original concept behind the new book was to be a path in which the Wicked Yatus was to become like Ahzi-Dahaka.  Upon through study of Ahzi-Dahaka and Tantra, the path work changed.  Ahzi-Dahaka become a valuable lesson what was best for this evil path, and what was wrong for this path of evil.  It became obvious that Ahzi-Dahaka was an evil example of a Guru to Tantra and was only guide leading us to the Agori Shivites.  This then lead us to Sir John Woodroffe, the only English writting author who could explain Tantra with proper authority to do so.  Here we find an indepth and detailed understanding of the Maha Nirvana aka the Great Liberation.  Along with the other books used to explain everything before the Great Liberation.

Also through the Agori Shivites, Vashikan Mantras were brought into the equation.  These are the Mantras of Attraction and Subjugation.  So, along with Tantra practice to free one’s self from reincarnation cycle, we have a magical formula to attain our desires.  This deep study has also shown me many aspects of Zoroastrianism and Catholicism that would never be understood without this knowledge.  Through all this, many things have changed about the original concepts that started this path.  It is no longer the way of Ahzi-Dahaka.

Traditional Ahrimanism is now moving toward becoming Ahriman, I am He.  We also recognize the demonizing of the Tantra Pantheon by the Zoroastrians and have been able to reconstruct the Daeva vs Deva and Pairaka vs Devi in all these things.  I also maintain the evil integrity of Ahriman and the Daeva through this way of worship and devotion.  Mantras and forth have been altered, rewritten, and new ones created to maintain the ideals and principles of Traditional Ahrimanism.  Thus corrupting and modernizing the religious practice to not only fit within the boundaries of Traditional Ahrimanism, also fit in a modern life style that lacks things needed for certain rituals.

As a Traditional Ahrimanist I seek to become both Ahriman and Naga Manasa as Shiva and Kali are sought in the cremation grounds.  I will become one with Purusha through becoming one with Ahriam as Brahma is sought.  I will corrupt my Buddhi, to allow Manasa to act as the Kundalini Serpent as Sakti does.  I will corrupt my Chakra with my lower chakras which are connected to the plains of the Nether Realm as higher chakras are used to purify.  I will descend into the Nether Realm through Kudalini to worship Ahriman directly because I know only a Daeva can worship a Daeva, for I am not druj like Ahzi-Dahaka.

The Consumption of Mary Recalled

A lot of questions have been surfacing about what happened at the Consumption. I am glad to see enough of you have seen the last 5 minutes of it and not listening to the other side saying it never happened. I have been able to piece together the broken bits of experiences for me based on other peoples’ recalling of the whole event in the Civic Center. Like Adam explained there are layers of the rite. The first is the idol of Kali. The one that stuck out to me was one of older dark stories, not the young blue skinned image that has been more widely accepted. When I saw it I knew there was something different about it. The way it looked at me I knew she was mine. Adam got it for me and it is deceivingly heavy. On the way home I sat in the front seat with her in the seat with me. I didn’t want her to be anywhere else. By a third of the trip home Adam started being more aggressive. Her energy was expanding already. When we were almost home I looked around outside and saw things destroyed, houses barely standing, trees gone, red sky. Kali and her destructive, bloody persona had made her way into my mind already, just having her in my lap. Then we got her home and as soon as she was in the back room Adam started being his jovial self. We got the red flowers soon after because her anger started pervading the rooms around her. When we got the garland I put them on her and almost immediately I felt internally happy and girly. The red flowers that adorned her was because it is said that red flowers pleased the goddess so she was easier to work with. Then there was the sitting down on the red pillow in front of her with the 108 bead japa mala and doing 3 mantras. The first one is Om Kleem Kalikayei Namaha.  Basically it is me saying “Hi, I welcome she who is dark into me”  I said this the first 27 times. On the Mala, every 27 beads is a lapis lazuli bead. When I came to that it lets me know to pause. Then the second mantra is Kring Kring Kring Hring Kring Dakshinee Kalike Kring Kring Kring Hring Hring Hung Hung Swaha. It was said 27 times. It is a prayer to her go gain her favor, to cause her gaze to turn to me. Then while practicing the rehearsal I drank water from the chalice next to the idol. After that was the time to be splashed with blood. For practice we used water in the bowl so that first time I knew what to expect but I was still surprised because the water was cold. But after that, the last 27 times I said Om Maha Kalyai Ca Vidmahe Smasana Vasinyai Ca Dhimahi Tanno Kali Prachodayat. This is pleasing for the goddess to hear and lets me gain her favor. In particular at the Civic Center that was the mantra I said to evoke her into me. I will interject here that Adam has described working with the Daeva in weekly ritual as them being a cell phone and talking with them on the phone and what I did was take that cell phone, cut a hole in to top of my head, and put the cell phone in the hole in my head and let it go. I laughed and I thought about it and said, that’s a good way of describing that. After rehearsals there were times it was harder to shake that concentrated anger after it was over. The anger and destruction of things around me, be it in the Dakhma or outdoors to have more room to do all 3 separate parts of the Consumption, kept growing during the last mantra. There was one rehearsal the people recording the documentary got that the rest of everyone could tell something wasn’t right so they all left Adam and I to ourselves and I fought letting her anger go. So Adam had to press chakra spots and told me to let her go and it was harder to. I wanted to keep that anger and let it grow. I wanted to start smashing that fucking statue and set the neighbors trees on fire and rip the fence out of the ground and smash the windows. I wanted to destroy it all. I know that when I came to again it was because they said Adam told me to walk barefoot around the fire pit. By then the other members felt comfortable enough to take things back inside. The rehearsals were fine but what got worse was the same bloody, screaming nightmares that repeated every night. I don’t feel able to talk about them now. She was pervading aspects of my life during the day and at work, when I was picking up, how I treated people outside of the house, Adam and the kids say I changed in my behaviors with them as well. There were times I was cleaning and they said it looked like a few steps of a dance, very, very flowing. And there were the physical changes as well too. I started to look younger and healthier. I became compulsed with wearing 2 sets of small silver hoops all the time and I bought a set of 16 silver bracelets at work, and felt happy hearing them jangle together. I was also lightening my hair and before the ritual dyed it brown from the multilayered colors of bleach. I got a brownish, golden look and there were times I was disgusted by it then one selfie on my phone I had my makeup spot on and stood in front of the Kali banner and was creeped out by it because the similarity in my hair with hers. I’m not that bad now, but it still comes in waves-wanting to physically become her as much as possible. Then came the night of the ritual. When I started walking down the hallway at the Civic Center it was lined with individual pockets of mass like the druj and divs were against the walls, greeting us with zest and energy. That morning Adam and the guys went inside to set up and they said it was empty down there earlier. But when we were set up before the ritual the energy from outside from all the crazy catholic prayers and high angst-and fainting from heat exhaustion-it was like I was hyper and ready to play. We did the black mass, I had some weird experiences with that, then after I recovered and the guys had set up for the Consumption I joined Adam on the stage so he can explain about Kali and what I would be doing. The smell of the oil was growing and starting to help me feel relaxed. Then it came time to start. I have to interject here and realize I hadn’t explained the mirrors. Those of you still reading, thank you. Have you ever been looking at a mirror and then see your reflection behind you in another mirror? Like at a department store as a kid and there were as set of like 4 mirrors in different angles so you can see how things you are trying on look? It has always been different for me. I felt like there was more behind the mirror than I saw. Well, in the Dakhma we have incorporated using 5 mirrors reflecting into each other. In theory if you have 2 mirrors reflecting off of each other it creates a gateway. So there are 2 gateways crossing each other. Adam having peeled back more layers in time has simply incorporated the guardians of the Dikpala. It is for the different directions around the room. Having said that I can return to the ritual in the Civic Center. I got in the mirrors in the pentagonal setup. When I sat on the pillow in the middle facing the idol, there were 2 mirrors pointing like an arrow, one on my left, one on my right, and one behind me. I have no memories of this but everyone said that I was reaching for one of the mirrors and it looked like I was grabbing something. I thought I was touching the idol in front of me. I was reaching for where the energy was coming from-making that physical connection with the deity. With the recital of the first mantra I saw things get darker and out of focus. I thought they had turned the lights low. I lose memory but during the second mantra I looked into her eyes, not right above them, as Adam directed me to during practice. According to the other people who had done the prayer around the statue when they were done, they watched me and said I became quieter and was reaching to the mirror and it looked like I wasn’t there mentally. I remember seeing the video camera down next to the left of the idol. I don’t know if Adam actually prompted me to drink but I remember the cold of the water in my mouth. I put the chalice down and jumped inside because the blood was poured on me. It was cold and thick and felt good. Then the next mantra was started and it got darker and colder. I felt goosebumps. Adam told me that the main camera the other people used was focused on me next to the idol while I was reaching for the mirror and the guy with the microphone was behind me. I could see between that on my left, outside of the mirrors, 3 individual figures. Then 4 on my right that was in my sight while focused on the idol. They were dark and ominous and corrupting but I felt safe so I knew that they were our guardians because as it easy for me to go through the mirrors to connect with something and pull her out to our side it is easy for something else to come with me. The next recollection I have is Adam picking my right arm up and I pulled back. I wanted to sit there and keep that connection going. As he pulled me up to standing I realized I didn’t want to put the mala down so while I was countering the heavy weight of every fiber of my being wanting to sit down, I remember putting the mala over me and I cooperated with coming out of the pentagonal mirrors. I was filled with red thoughts and sight but it was darker and I was cold and tired while I with help walked to get the knife. Then when I got the knife in my right hand I saw brighter around the idol of Mary, like they had a spotlight on her and I stalked around her like she was prey that was already dead before being sacrificed, like in war. The areas around her were dark. I only saw the mary idol and the square. The member that handed me the heart after the smashing said my eyes were black and he was thinking ‘how much of Kelsey is left in there now?’. The image I chose for my facebook profile is taken when I looked up at Adam. I have no recollection of seeing anything other than glimpses of the red on his robe and blackness. I remember feeling satisfied. The next memory is of Adam picking me up and I was shivering I was so cold and I felt like a baby animal trying to walk for the first time. But after that and up til now is another blog, this is just what I have pieced together of other people telling me what happened. And the last bit is my eyes stayed that ice blue for 3 days after the event before returning to their normal color.

kelseyafterritualkalikelsey

dscn0627

 

Here is what is Left of Mary

 

THIS WAS THE GREAT CATHOLIC DEFENSE